she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
