Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
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He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
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He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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