I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
