bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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