WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
