What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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