Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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