I forgot how hot balto sounded
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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