new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
