I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
