I can't watch pbs sober anymore
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
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