I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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