you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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