If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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