Please, let me fuck your mom
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
