You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
