Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
