i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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