Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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