Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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