Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
