my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
