He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
