If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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