Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
