I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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