awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
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