Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Pappa wants mamma naked
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
