hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
