Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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