Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
