In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
