So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
