hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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