If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
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