if you like me you must not know who I am
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
