I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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