alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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