just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize