I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The adults are the big ones right?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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