you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
