4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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