Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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