I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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