Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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