Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
