HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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