I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
