Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
