Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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