I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I want to have your abortion
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
