peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
They are going to name an STD after you.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
