forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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