brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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