New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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