I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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