Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
so much tequila, so little girl.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
