the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
