now i know why i became what i already was.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
