I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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