i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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