omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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