I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
