ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize