When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
tell me about the eggs
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