I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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