First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
